All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
