Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
