Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
