piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
