lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
