You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
