its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
