Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
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sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
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If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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