i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
