My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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