Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
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