The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
