I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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