I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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