Nicole vs. Life
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
