why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm passing your future prison.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
