I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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