Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
