I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
