im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just cropdusted the office
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
