Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
