My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
