Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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