Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
