i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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