very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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