someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
