For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
