I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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