that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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