Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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