I CAN MOONWALK!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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