maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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