does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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