I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
