A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
