i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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