trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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