Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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