Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."