im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...