I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
operation harelip BJ is a go
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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