apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize