he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
