you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
