And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
