hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I love you. Go after that dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
