How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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