He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
