If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
