an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
