I look better un-naked...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
