there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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