Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

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(845): Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier http://tfl.nu/ue73

Replies (33) Good night (603) Bad night (8283)
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(209): View more from California

he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period

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(209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period http://tfl.nu/tso5

Replies (217) Good night (1538) Bad night (29078)
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(614): View more from Ohio

how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready

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(614): how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready http://tfl.nu/g5tv

Replies (17) Good night (10096) Bad night (679)
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(419): View more from Ohio

i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.

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(419): i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it. http://tfl.nu/1l7g

Replies (16) Good night (3338) Bad night (523)
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(951): View more from California

my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.

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(951): my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands. http://tfl.nu/553v

Replies (21) Good night (4394) Bad night (1091)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night

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(610): i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night http://tfl.nu/l16l

Replies (7) Good night (1330) Bad night (2777)
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(913): View more from Kansas

They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.

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(913): They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this. http://tfl.nu/muxl

Replies (7) Good night (3543) Bad night (1028)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.

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(931): I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s. http://tfl.nu/244n

Replies (12) Good night (2941) Bad night (933)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.

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(609): don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not. http://tfl.nu/y8qj

Replies (7) Good night (1300) Bad night (783)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.

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(860): She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused. http://tfl.nu/7uxa

Replies (12) Good night (3352) Bad night (1126)
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(847): View more from Illinois

I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.

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(847): I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/xqx5

Replies (12) Good night (1764) Bad night (598)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me

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(402): Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me http://tfl.nu/m5ly

Replies (7) Good night (825) Bad night (2285)
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(317): View more from Indiana

I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."

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(317): I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you." http://tfl.nu/oa2r

Replies (13) Good night (3919) Bad night (668)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.

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(410): Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience. http://tfl.nu/sg6n

Replies (3) Good night (919) Bad night (279)
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(813): View more from Florida

Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day

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(813): Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day http://tfl.nu/x25b

Replies (4) Good night (281) Bad night (674)

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