don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
