pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.