worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
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I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.