ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Threesome in a minivan. New low
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital