I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I intend to get homeless drunk
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we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
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Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.