then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms