You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
