I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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