last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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